We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

Alternate Utopias from a Nostalgic Future

by Saint Idiot

/
  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    A matte ecosleeve with artwork by Cobysoft Joe, that comes with an 8 page booklet including a meditative essay on the album by Lizzie Derksen.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Alternate Utopias from a Nostalgic Future via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 2 days
    edition of 300 
    Purchasable with gift card

      $12 CAD or more 

     

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $8 CAD  or more

     

  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 9 Saint Idiot releases available on Bandcamp and save 25%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Alternate Utopias from a Nostalgic Future, Utopia, Warp & Weft, Talk, Terracotta, Bubblewrap, Not Some Fantasy, Goodnight, St. Idiot, and 1 more. , and , .

    Purchasable with gift card

      $19.50 CAD or more (25% OFF)

     

1.
Terracotta 04:09
i want to be a little person taking up little space and living tiny and asking for little quieter colors not afraid to gift my time not afraid of forgetting not afraid of growing old and more ordinary not afraid to be radically happy my wallet makes me replaceable i don't want a brand new anything no need no need no need the karma of owning things is that you end up being just like them you inherit garbage you can’t escape what you’ve wasted when we die we only keep what we have given there can be enough bread there can be enough sex but never enough things apparently i don't want to have to build a brand i just want to live a monastic life
2.
Cherry 03:32
i’m always low-key burning up i want you all alone can’t let off the buzz i get when i’m blowing up your phone i told you all my secrets so you can tell me all of yours (can you keep up?) i love it when you look at me and laugh at all my jokes (can you keep up?) a tangled knot of sweat and legs in every wound a lover’s bed my heart is like a fingertrap and i’m banking on your love like pacman it's your cherry that i’m always thinking of you’re my proof the best man wins (oh?) don’t let me down, i’m saved (from what?) without any pedestal there is no powerplay (and it goes both ways) no one feels like love songs do except when i imagine you I don't like feeling like I need to strike before I'm struck I expose myself for shock and awe but i'm scared I'm not enough no one feels like love songs do except when i imagine you i imagine you
3.
Bubblewrap 03:17
surrender to it in awe of it identify with what you owe it bubble wrapping all your feelings doesn't help you friend your demons its ok to cry crying won't bruise you bubble wrapping consequences only ever nurtures tension if you think you don't deal in anger it's just cause you have never tried to but true to hurt i stay firm with you i trust that you’ll be firm with me take off the bubblewrap i know you feel so unsafe right now we all just want the best for you everyone says hi take off the bubblewrap surrender to it in awe of it identify with what you owe it anger is the sacred, deepest (identify with, what you owe it) chance to trust in other people that they’ll hear you what you don’t conceal can only heal you only heal you
4.
Eggshell 05:51
with love, in due time i was so tired hollow-bone tired was it ego that kept me scrappy for the next thing? still staking out my acre crafting my persona racking up the paper trying to impress with the next thing, and feeling deflated— i’d have done anything not to let that eggshell break cause then i’d finally have to meet you halfway when you’re always taking you’re just taking from yourself when you’re always taking you can’t learn to love yourself eggshell im a dot on a grass blade in a wounded landscape locking my own roots with the animal family tree and all the other fugitives i’d have done anything to cut the branch i’m sitting on maybe then i’d finally be everything to everyone nobody is leaving until everyone can come along
5.
scared that i’ll short-change you in some way i don’t know that i’m lacking all this time i’ve been protecting you by always waiting on myself to sort of just happen here it is depression eraser i’ve called pain by so many names of my happiness kept no receipt then when tax time finally came my stomach turned cause shame tastes so sweet have you heard of a bigger buzzkill? than a man with boundaries scared of being needed i pretend not to need may i be anything but a burden helplessly independent helplessly independent i don’t really know how to ask for care don’t know how to ask myself what i need i know how to stop before obstacles i don’t know boundaries i know how to stop before obstacles i don’t yet know boundaries so now to say that i actually need you takes so damn much out of me
6.
Crisis Actor 04:14
i’m not a nice guy i’m a career chameleon and while i’m being cavalier my support networks are exhausted i pretend that I'm so different that I don't answer for the culture and I know how to say all the right things and crack the whip at my own back all the creeps are getting shot at am i a crisis actor? wait—this is no roleplay simulation and that's real blood on their hands oh my god do they have ammo on something I forgot I did have i learned from my mistakes? would i let it happen again? did I even love her? or did i mean that i ought to? I guess it's ok to be wrong to admit it early and let go of the confusing confidence you know it's ok to be wrong every once in a while its still not too late is it their blood on my hands? it is still not too late for a soft landing it is still not too late for a soft landing
7.
Talk 04:01
if you stumble or if it's awkward —you're probably digging deep let’s make sense of those vague pressures emotional archeology if you want to talk we can sit on the stairs outside, we can figure it out if you don't know you don't know, i won’t make it about me or try to change you emotional archeology emotional archeology emotional archeology on my side i'll be honest sometimes i'm afraid of men who pretend that this is beyond them men who’d rather stay quiet ironic and avoidant like they weren't let down by their fathers i think a lot of us can agree we have few healthy models for how to be it's up to us to not take on after our wounds emotional archeology emotional archeology emotional archeology
8.
Warp & Weft 05:09
friendship can’t survive what we believe about the world but we'll nurse our best selves together so lets be careful, baby let's make more mistakes together, baby and less wrong choices guess what though i'll be thorough in my love to include you you do me good with your soul food, you crave irresistible revolution and you help me forget about, all the doubt my friend, my ambience my warp, your weft you're my context, you’re my basis sophisticated i’m stronger just for knowing you just for knowing you, knowing you i’m stronger my friend, my ambience my warp, your weft you're my conscience, you're my evidence Sophisticated
9.
Change Agent 03:17
i noticed that strong love is having the courage to sit with someone who's freaking out and try not to teach or change them i noticed that change is a pilgrimage of failures where you're given consent to be a complex person how's your ambivalence can you hold opposites? i noticed that doing good is being perfectly fallible instead of defending an imaginary sainthood i noticed that when you put people on some sort of pedestal you make a human shield or at best a hostage of them how's your ambivalence can you hold opposites? what is the light that you are growing towards? you have to tend to what you can touch in your part of the garden because i can't heal myself out of a place of spite or contempt i have to let my guard down to become a change agent if i can't be wrong i am become as sounding brass or a clanging gong
10.
Utopia 03:55
much like a desert rose that is getting on i feel autonomous until the water comes down on my knees in utopia down on my knees in utopia i make sure that i’m eating first with my camera eye on spiritual food stamps i tour the afterlife insecurity comes with a high price tag i'm flying to heaven on a plastic bag we don’t fuck with the sleeper my mouth is small but my stomach's wide i pretend my body has someone else inside and i'm paralyzed my skinhunger amplified but the fireworks are ringing out get! go! get! go! the loudest notes are out of tune echo! echo! echo! well it doesn't have to be beings in the sky i just need some tropism to actualize down on my knees in utopia i'm already whole and i'm good enough
11.
remember the future? it makes me so nostalgic it's got me straight reminiscing about all those things i used to imagine looking back those are all just dreams in rear-view mirrors where the sea's turned iridescent maybe we can do some divination nature's making course corrections and so death is busy teaching sacred economics nature abhors vacuums and gifts tend towards empty spaces in opening your heart you’re laying the foundation, for sacred economics
12.

credits

released September 8, 2021

Written, produced, and performed by Tomáš Andel
Orchestral arrangements & co-writing by Doug Parth
Saxophone by Alex Tanasychuk
Background vocals on Bubblewrap & Cherry by Hill Kourkoutis
Mix & additional production by Hill Kourkoutis
Mastered by Kristian Montano at Montano Mastering

Front artwork by Cobysoft Joe
Jacket design by Tomáš Andel
Logotype design: Hannah Braun
Design consultation: Kelsey McMillan and Hannah Braun
Photography & lyric workshops by Kelsey McMillan

Heard speaking:
Chad, Anthony, Doug, Matt, and Connor (courtesy of Laura La France)
Duncan Trussell (courtesy of the Duncan Trussell Family Hour Podcast)
Geoffrey Shugen Arnold Roshi (courtesy of the Zen Mountain Monastery podcast)
Nava Smolash (courtesy of The Final Straw radio)

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Saint Idiot Edmonton, Alberta

Saint Idiot is an art pop musician, sound designer, and multimedia artist based out of Edmonton (Treaty 6), dreaming of a mossier, kinder future.

contact / help

Contact Saint Idiot

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Report this album or account

Saint Idiot recommends:

If you like Saint Idiot, you may also like: