Get all 9 Saint Idiot releases available on Bandcamp and save 25%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Alternate Utopias from a Nostalgic Future, Utopia, Warp & Weft, Talk, Terracotta, Bubblewrap, Not Some Fantasy, Goodnight, St. Idiot, and 1 more.
1. |
Terracotta
04:09
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i want to be
a little person
taking up little space
and living tiny
and asking for little
quieter colors
not afraid to gift my time
not afraid of forgetting
not afraid of growing old
and more ordinary
not afraid to be radically happy
my wallet makes me replaceable
i don't want a brand new anything
no need
no need
no need
the karma
of owning things
is that you end up being
just like them
you inherit garbage
you can’t escape
what you’ve wasted
when we die
we only keep
what we have given
there can be enough bread
there can be enough sex
but never enough things
apparently
i don't want to have to build a brand
i just want to live a monastic life
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2. |
Cherry
03:32
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i’m always low-key burning up
i want you all alone
can’t let off the buzz i get
when i’m blowing up your phone
i told you all my secrets
so you can tell me all of yours (can you keep up?)
i love it when you look at me
and laugh at all my jokes (can you keep up?)
a tangled knot
of sweat and legs
in every wound
a lover’s bed
my heart is like a fingertrap
and i’m banking on your love
like pacman it's your cherry
that i’m always thinking of
you’re my proof the best man wins (oh?)
don’t let me down, i’m saved (from what?)
without any pedestal
there is no powerplay (and it goes both ways)
no one feels like
love songs do
except when i
imagine you
I don't like feeling like I need
to strike before I'm struck
I expose myself for shock and awe
but i'm scared I'm not enough
no one feels like
love songs do
except when i
imagine you
i imagine you
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3. |
Bubblewrap
03:17
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surrender to it
in awe of it
identify with
what you owe it
bubble wrapping
all your feelings
doesn't help you
friend your demons
its ok to cry
crying won't bruise you
bubble wrapping
consequences
only ever
nurtures tension
if you think you
don't deal in anger
it's just cause you
have never tried to
but true to hurt
i stay firm with you
i trust that
you’ll be firm with me
take off the bubblewrap
i know you feel so unsafe right now
we all just want the best for you
everyone says hi
take off the bubblewrap
surrender to it
in awe of it
identify with
what you owe it
anger is the
sacred, deepest (identify with, what you owe it)
chance to trust
in other people
that they’ll hear you
what you don’t conceal
can only heal you
only heal you
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4. |
Eggshell
05:51
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with love, in due time
i was so tired
hollow-bone tired
was it ego
that kept me scrappy
for the next thing?
still staking out my acre
crafting my persona
racking up the paper
trying to impress
with the next thing,
and feeling deflated—
i’d have done anything
not to let that eggshell break
cause then i’d finally have to
meet you halfway
when you’re always taking
you’re just taking from yourself
when you’re always taking
you can’t learn to love yourself
eggshell
im a dot on a grass blade
in a wounded landscape
locking my own roots with the animal family tree
and all the other fugitives
i’d have done anything
to cut the branch i’m sitting on
maybe then i’d finally
be everything to everyone
nobody is leaving
until everyone can come along
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5. |
Depression Eraser
05:17
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scared that i’ll short-change you
in some way i don’t know that i’m lacking
all this time i’ve been protecting you
by always waiting on myself to sort of just happen
here it is
depression eraser
i’ve called pain by so many names
of my happiness kept no receipt
then when tax time finally came
my stomach turned cause shame tastes so sweet
have you heard of a bigger buzzkill?
than a man with boundaries
scared of being needed
i pretend not to need
may i be anything but a burden
helplessly independent
helplessly independent
i don’t really know how to ask for care
don’t know how to ask myself what i need
i know how to stop before obstacles
i don’t know boundaries
i know how to stop before obstacles
i don’t yet know boundaries
so now to say that i actually need you
takes so damn much out of me
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6. |
Crisis Actor
04:14
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i’m not a nice guy
i’m a career chameleon
and while i’m being cavalier
my support networks are exhausted
i pretend that I'm so different
that I don't answer for the culture
and I know how to say all the right things
and crack the whip at my own back
all the creeps are getting shot at
am i a crisis actor?
wait—this is no roleplay simulation
and that's real blood on their hands
oh my god do they have ammo
on something I forgot I did
have i learned from my mistakes?
would i let it happen again?
did I even love her?
or did i mean that i ought to?
I guess it's ok to be wrong
to admit it early and let go
of the confusing confidence
you know it's ok to be wrong
every once in a while
its still not too late
is it their blood on my hands?
it is still not too late for a soft landing
it is still not too late for a soft landing
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7. |
Talk
04:01
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if you stumble
or if it's awkward
—you're probably digging deep
let’s make sense of
those vague pressures
emotional archeology
if you want to talk
we can sit on the stairs outside,
we can figure it out
if you don't know you don't know,
i won’t make it about me
or try to change you
emotional archeology
emotional archeology
emotional archeology
on my side i'll be honest
sometimes i'm afraid of men
who pretend that this is beyond them
men who’d rather stay quiet
ironic and avoidant
like they weren't let down by their fathers
i think a lot of us
can agree
we have few healthy models
for how to be
it's up to us
to not take on
after our wounds
emotional archeology
emotional archeology
emotional archeology
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8. |
Warp & Weft
05:09
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friendship can’t survive
what we believe about the world
but we'll nurse our best selves together
so lets be careful, baby
let's make more mistakes together, baby
and less wrong choices
guess what though
i'll be thorough in my love to include you
you do me good with your soul food, you
crave irresistible revolution
and you help me forget about, all the doubt
my friend, my ambience
my warp, your weft
you're my context, you’re my basis
sophisticated
i’m stronger
just for knowing you
just for knowing you, knowing you
i’m stronger
my friend, my ambience
my warp, your weft
you're my conscience, you're my evidence
Sophisticated
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9. |
Change Agent
03:17
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i noticed that strong love
is having the courage to sit
with someone who's freaking out
and try not to teach or change them
i noticed that change
is a pilgrimage of failures
where you're given consent
to be a complex person
how's your ambivalence
can you hold opposites?
i noticed that doing good
is being perfectly fallible
instead of defending
an imaginary sainthood
i noticed that when you put
people on some sort of pedestal
you make a human shield
or at best a hostage
of them
how's your ambivalence
can you hold opposites?
what is the light that
you are growing towards?
you have to tend to what you can touch
in your part of the garden
because i can't heal myself
out of a place of spite
or contempt
i have to let my guard down
to become a change agent
if i can't be wrong
i am become as sounding brass
or a clanging gong
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10. |
Utopia
03:55
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much like a desert rose
that is getting on
i feel autonomous
until the water comes
down on my knees in utopia
down on my knees in utopia
i make sure that i’m eating first
with my camera eye
on spiritual food stamps
i tour the afterlife
insecurity comes with a high price tag
i'm flying to heaven on a plastic bag
we don’t fuck with the sleeper
my mouth is small
but my stomach's wide
i pretend my body
has someone else inside
and i'm paralyzed
my skinhunger amplified
but the fireworks are ringing out
get! go! get! go!
the loudest notes are out of tune
echo! echo! echo!
well it doesn't have to be
beings in the sky
i just need some tropism
to actualize
down on my knees in utopia
i'm already whole and i'm good enough
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11. |
Sacred Economics
06:32
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remember the future?
it makes me so nostalgic
it's got me straight reminiscing
about all those things i used to imagine
looking back those are all just
dreams in rear-view mirrors
where the sea's turned iridescent
maybe we can do some divination
nature's making course corrections
and so death is busy teaching
sacred economics
nature abhors vacuums
and gifts tend towards empty spaces
in opening your heart
you’re laying the foundation, for
sacred economics
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12. |
Saint Idiot Edmonton, Alberta
Saint Idiot is an art pop musician, sound designer, and multimedia artist based out of Edmonton (Treaty 6), dreaming of a mossier, kinder future.
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